Early in a relationship we often try to impress each other. Later, that can turn into hidden or open competition: who earns more, who’s more tired, who’s better with the kids, whose turn it is to do the dishes. If you want to know how to be a team in a relationship, start by noticing this. Competition wears you out. Teamwork fills you up.
Signs of competition in a relationship
- You feel a little glad when your partner gets something wrong (because you were right!).
- You keep score: “I did it three times, and you only did it once.”
- In an argument, proving you’re right matters more than anything.
- You feel jealous of your partner’s success.
How do you become a team in a relationship?
1. Change the way you phrase things
Instead of “You’re against me,” try “WE are against the problem.” When a conflict is brewing, ask yourself, “What can we do so that both of US feel better?“
2. Recognize what each of you brings
A team has no “main” and “supporting” roles. If one of you earns the money and the other runs the house, you both contribute equally to your family’s well-being. Value your partner’s effort, even when it looks different from yours.
3. Set shared goals
Nothing brings you together like moving toward a goal side by side. It could be buying a home, raising kids or training for a marathon. What matters is talking about these goals and celebrating your progress together.
4. Have each other’s back when things go wrong
On a team, when one person falls, the other offers a hand instead of saying, “I told you so!” Be the person your partner can come to on their very worst day and find acceptance, not criticism.
5. Delegate and trust
Don’t try to control everything. On a good team, each person takes care of their own area, and the other trusts them with it.
Teamwork with HappyWe
We believe your relationship is the most important project of your life. In the HappyWe app we help couples get in sync, learn to agree and support each other. Our 28-day program is your personal teamwork coach for love. Become unbeatable together!